From early on hopes & dreams are hoped and dreamed for us. As we get older and our surroundings shape us we form hopes & dreams of our own. Some are easily achieved & realized & yet others are never attainable. These un-attainable dreams are often hung onto for years. We often hang on to them because a big part of life is the dream--it is what drives us and motivates us. Its the dare. But at some point in life we get lost and so do our dreams. And yet other dreams don't get lost---we just let them go. I have often wondered at what point in our lives should we give up on our dreams...do we get to old to have them? Why do some of us set our dreams so high and big that they are un-achievable--un-reachable?
With our September trip to the coast I found & reached a couple of my small dreams. With these achievements also came the realization that some of my other dreams would always be just out of my reach...they did not have to be but these dreams were mine & mine alone...there would be nobody to achieve them with and me being me realized that after all these years I have never been "just me" and never would be.
The trip was bittersweet for me...being in a place I loved dearly...being in an environment that enthralled me and touches me in the most deepest recesses of my heart and won't let go. Its un-explainable. Its the best and worst kind of love affair you can have. It was on this trip that I "let go" of some of my dreams realizing that I am not one to have my own but share in those of others. I did have my way in the way I let go though.
Infatuation or love? Am I infatuated with the Gulf Stream or am I in love with it? I had never seen it, nor been in it...but now I can say that I have seen it at a far distance...I have seen traces of it come in and dance with and tease traces of the Labrador current. Never mixing, never combining, never becoming one. So much like me. This is in thanks to a man who has been "infatuated" with the Gulf Stream all of his life, but unlike me, has experienced it fully and freely and lives his dream. From above I seen these two confluences interact with each other--intertwining and twisting...with all the colors of a soul if you could imagine a soul having color. The colors weighed heavy on my heart, heavy on my soul. The view yanked all speech from me. And the tears streamed down my face. It was understood by me, by God, and one other person who knew the "infatuation". And as I seen those two currents of ever-flowing life that did not mix, that flowed together but did not become one it was then that I realized that most of my hopes & dreams were big--too big--and like the currents would not mix with my ordinary life.
Is it the mystery, the beauty, or intrigue of it all that I am so fascinated with all of the life of the ocean? An almost of all this life remains un-reachable for me as I am land-bound. A single sea turtle though can bring all of this intrigue to shore for us, but yet build the mystery, build the beauty and then take it back out to sea leaving us longing for more. Being a mere viewer into the tiny lives of several loggerhead sea turtle babies brought all of this awareness about for me. So tiny, so big a world, so much weight to carry on its back...Was it fair of me to add to its burden by casting a dream or two upon the backs of these babies? And yet I did...I needed them---they do not need me. They are free...direction, but yet no direction. Just as life should be. And the tears streamed down my cheeks.
And so, with the currents and with the baby sea turtles I sent my biggest hopes and dreams...with them they can forever drift in the oceans, being free, and not be wasted with me in-land, withering, with no chance of ever being realized.
And so at what point should a person let go? At the point when you can still pass it along to someone who has already realized "your" dream or when you can pass it along to "infinity"...never losing it...not living it, but letting it live...That was my point....